Welcome back!
Let's jump right in to it! Newsflash... the girl that went back in to the house after being rejected in the last show, Kimberly, is allowed to stay. What? I'm not even going to get in to that.
We learn Chris is staying next door to the ladies.... Evidently with an outdoor shower. Seriously. And Chris says there are no rules here. I wonder how many times we're going to see desperate girls knocking on his door.
Anyway, the girls get a date card and Chris puts on a zip up sweatshirt with no shirt underneath, so clearly this is going to be an upscale date. We get a little preview that shows us that during the date they will be having a pool party and racing tractors in bikinis. Oooh la la!
One girl describes herself as "more Kardashian than country". So.... Self-centered and uninteresting?
So the girls claim they know nothing about what the date will be but when he announces it's a pool party they all magically have bikinis on.
This next scene confuses me. Two girls, Jillian and Megan, decide to creep around Chris' place. Megan proceeds to put on Chris' motorcycle helmet and smash her head off various things. Seriously, is she drunk? I can't tell if that's just her personality. And Jillian has to have her bikini bottom censored in the front and back. What the heck is she wearing???
Meanwhile, the girls on the date walk down the street in downtown LA in their bikinis. Seems normal. They're going to race tractors. I knew this date screamed " classy. Nothing screams "true love" like bouncing around on tractor in a bikini. Ashley "Kardashian" wins. *Zzzzz*
Back to the house - Julia talks about her daughter and her daughter's father, who evidently killed himself. So the girls talk about how strong she is and how much they respect her. I suppose that will last until they see her as a threat. Negative, it know, but it's the nature of this show.
Back at bikini central, Chris has spent some time with Ashley "Kardashian", who is convinced she'll get the rose but Chris decides to take Mackenzie on a little private date instead. The girls all look very depressed while they talk about how sweet he is for picking Mackenzie because he must have seen how nervous she was. You can just feel the jealousy oozing from each of them.
Chris and Mackenzie head to a bar to chat and Mackenzie proceeds to talk about how big his nose is, aliens, his ears being pierced.... These are such weird topics. She tells him she has a child. He reacts appropriately.... As every Bachelor and Bachelorette have reacted. So, of course, despite the weird conversation topics, Chris gives her a rose. They dance, they kiss..... And I don't feel the chemistry. Just me?
Megan is going on a one on one date, despite the fact that she thought it was just a note. Does this girl not know this show? Or, once again, is she drunk? I don't get this girl.
Mackenzie tells the girls all about her date and her 7 kisses. And the girls all scowl at her.
On to Megan's date. At least she looks sober. Then they get booze on a private plane. On to Vegas and a helicopter. They get to see some amazing sites. Even I am jealous.
They land in the Grand Canyon for....more wine. Megan tells Chris she applied for the Bachelor but a month later her dad had a massive heart attack and eventually passed away, so it was a hard choice to come.
Megan gets a rose. They kiss. They go for a walk. They kiss.
Back at the house. Date card .... Group date... "Til death do us part". Interesting.
The limo takes girls to a creepy spot and they all freak out. I think there were some Zombies....I don't know. Weird start to the date.
Chris shows up....and announces they're going to kill zombies. Um, who designed tonight's dates? Although Ashley doesn't understand that she's supposed to shoot Zombies... She's talking about shooting other girls.
Anyway, I find this scene hard to follow, it's dark and the screaming is giving me a headache. But what I do gather is that Ashley is nuts.
At the house, Jordan is drunk. I don't know what else to say except.... Wow.
So Kaitlyn and Chris talk for a minute.... And kiss. Haha
Then back to crazy Ashley. Was this girl hit in the head? Is she on drugs? Is she having a stroke? I'm confused when she talks. She interrupts his one on one interview. He asks if she's ok and she literally says " I don't know what you're asking". Ok.... We close out the Ashley segment with her talking to a cat. Is the cat this year's raccoon? (If you didn't watch Bachelor in Paradise, you will not understand that reference).
Chris gives Kaitlyn the rose.
It's "cocktail party" time. And I still am having a hard time remembering girls names and part of it is how different girls look between their "casual" look and their glam looks.
Ashley "Kardashian" is getting jealous. She talks about sharing with Chris that she's a virgin. So when she does have alone time with him. She gives him her "Princess Jasmine lamp" and tells him he has 3 wishes. He wishes for a kiss.... And she gives him the craziest porn style kiss. So weird.
Then we have Britt crying over Chris kissing other girls. This happens every year.
Then Chris kisses Amber. And she tells Jordan.... Who is drunk. And that's always a good time to talk to Chris... Right? (Newsflash.... It's not). She's not just drunk, she's sloppy drunk. So bad. So awkward.
Now it's time for roses. Britt gets the first one so I'm sure that makes her feel better.
Last rose goes to.... Crazy Ashley. Wait.... What? Didn't he see how crazy she was acting?
Poor Kimberly is rejected again.
Next week.... Jimmy Kimmel.
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